Posts within the category: E-mail

October 10, 2011

This "I've quit" e-mail has pitch-perfect tone

When this e-mail landed in my inbox, I just had to say "wow." It's not easy to send an e-mail to nearly everyone at work explaining that you're leaving because you've gotten a better job in a much warmer and hipper place. Jane Doe's "I've quit" e-mail sets just the right tone, offers just the right amount of information, and shows just the right regard for her replacement.

Read Jane's e-mail plus my comments on her deft use of language.

Subject: Moving on [Not "resigning," just "moving on."]

Hello,

I have some news to share with you all. . . I am moving to Miami! [Gets to the point right away; keeps sentences short. Instead of saying "I got a better job," she says "I am moving to Miami."] 

I just recently accepted an offer as the Director of Sales for ABC Corp.  It is an amazing opportunity and ABC is an incredible company.  I am very excited to embark on this new journey. ["Amazing," "incredible," and "excited." We'd be grumps not to be happy for her in return.]

It has been truly a pleasure getting working with all of you.  While I am excited to leave Albany before the cold weather sets in, I will also miss working with all of you.  My last day at StemCorp will be this Friday, October 14th.  [She keeps things light by citing a reason to leave Albany that everyone can agree upon: it's cold!]

In the interim, my colleague Gisela Gordon will be your new contact.  Gisela is incredibly talented and will no doubt transition seamlessly. Here's Gisela’s contact information: Gisela Gordon, 888-123-4567, Gisela.Gordon@StemCorp.com [Her confident language about Gisela's smooth takeover makes readers feel confident too.]

I wish you all the best of luck!  If you would like to keep in touch, please connect with me via LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/janedoe [She ends on a positive note by offering her former colleagues an easy, business-appropriate way to stay in touch.]

Best,
Jane Doe

I think Jane Doe tread lightly, kept it upbeat, and sent a broadcast e-mail that's better than most. She made a difficult-to-write e-mail look easy. What do you think? Would you have changed Jane Doe's e-mail in any way?

September 10, 2011

September 11th e-mails: Written to calm or to scare?

On September 11, 2001, I was teaching a Writing for the Web course for staff in the Arlington County, VA government. Among the class members were six fire department employees. Just after 9:30, when I was discussing the course objectives and reviewing the agenda, the fire department attendees' pagers went off. The six of them stood in unison and began heading out the door. Before he left, one man came up to me where I was standing at the podium and whispered "We have to go now and you'll know why soon." In minutes, we all knew why they had left and, of course, the class was canceled.

Looking back on that day of destruction, I have always been grateful that I had been doing something constructive: working with people who wanted to learn to communicate more clearly. And I was grateful that Arlington County rescheduled the writing class I was teaching on September 11, 2001. About 10 weeks later, we held the class, and some of the fire department employees attended. Our nation and local community were struggling with concerns about safety and overwhelming grief, and we 25 people in a writing class were learning how to make ourselves understood. To me, this was a hopeful thing to do.

So, in light of this connection between communication and the legacy of 9/11, I'd like to share the two 9/11-related e-mails I received today:

• One is from American University (AU), where my daughter goes to school. Read the complete AU e-mail here.

• One is from the Montgomery County, Maryland government. (I live in Montgomery County.) Read the complete county government e-mail here.

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American University's e-mail is 9/11 communication done right:

• The e-mail is signed by Neil Kerwin, AU president. Seeing the president's name on the e-mail assures me that I am reading well-vetted information.
• The subject line, "Security and AU Emergency Preparedness," is well-crafted. It uses problem-solving words – security, preparedness – instead of alarming words – threat, terrorism.
• It's loaded with personal pronouns – our students, we will notify, I encourage you. These pronouns support the connection between writer and readers; they build trust.

• It provides practical suggestions about what to do – familiarize yourself with the AU Emergency Preparedness Web site and honor the day with AU events of remembrance. I am glad that one of the practical suggestions is a positive one.

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Montgomery County, MD's e-mail is 9/11 communication done wrong:

• The subject line is "Alert Montgomery," which is the same subject line the county uses for all alert-related communications: tornado warnings, earthquakes, crime alerts, and water main breaks. So when I receive an "Alert Montgomery" e-mail, I have no idea whether I should go to the basement and cover myself with a mattress or watch the county's "7 Signs of Terrorism" video.
• It calls readers residents, not you. Now, you may think I am nitpicking here, but surely Alert Montgomery knows this e-mail will be read by county business owners, too? So using the word residents instead of you makes the e-mail inaccurate as well as impersonal.
• It describes the efforts of the bureaucracy instead of answering the questions of the residents. We learn that the county police have joined federal and local partners in the "See Something Say Something" campaign, which is a "simple and effective" program. These are bureaucrats' concerns, not ours.
• It uses terms most residents will find unfamiliar. Can you imagine a county resident placing this call? "Hello, Montgomery County Police. I would like to report one instance of Elicitation and one of Deploying Assets."

• It does little to help me know what to do in light of potential attack. (Ugh, I am getting so tangled up in the county's wording! What is a potential attack, anyway?!) The e-mail is 444 words long. Thirty words before the end, the county encourages me to contact the police if I observe a suspicious situation.

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How will I commemorate the tenth anniversary of September 11, 2001? By thinking of the people I was with on that date and the reason we were together. By calling my friend and Arlington County colleague Anita, whom I've spoken to on every September 11th since 2001. By continuing to work to build understanding between writers and readers, speakers and listeners.

April 26, 2011

Shut down by the duck? Read this rejection e-mail from Aflac

Ever wondered what it would be like to receive a brush-off e-mail from a corporation's animal mascot? Well, wonder no more. Here's the "no thanks" e-mail a friend's son received after he tried out to replace the inappropriate Gilbert Gottfried as the Aflac Duck.

From the desk of The Aflac Duck

Dear Friend,

I want to thank you for taking the time to audition to be my voice. My vocabulary is too limited to find the words to personally tell how much it means to our company to have you participate in this important job search. Most people never give their dreams a chance and I applaud you for giving this job audition such tremendous energy and enthusiasm. Everyone at Aflac is truly amazed and humbled by the outpouring of talented people who want to represent us. The voice search team listened to over 12,500 online and in person auditions and has ultimately narrowed the selection down to 10 finalists.

Be sure to stay in touch on Facebook and Twitter.

Regards,

The Aflac Duck

For me, this e-mail doesn't work. The duck who wrote this e-mail sounds an awful lot like the corporate communications department trying way too hard to extend the brand.  There's just no levity, no duck-iness, in lines like "Most people never give their dreams a chance ..." and "Be sure to stay in touch ..." I would have thought the Aflac Duck would have a less suit-and-tie writing voice, especially after watching the commercial in which he plunges his head into a jar of pickled jalapenos or rescues the damsel tied to the train tracks.

How would you feel if you were an actor or a voice artist who'd sent in an audition tape and hoped to land this job? Would you appreciate receiving this staid-sounding e-mail from "the desk of The Aflac Duck"? Let me know or post a comment here.

February 10, 2011

"Thank you for your message; however, I'm not going to read it."

This out-of-office e-mail landed in my inbox a few days ago. I don't know "Bob" personally; he's a member of a Yahoo! group I follow. (To preserve privacy, I have changed all identifying info in the e-mail.)

I think Bob's e-mail is one of a kind, and I've been following the out-of-office genre for a while. (See my earlier post: Out-of-Office E-Mails: T.M.I. or too little?)

I'd like to know your opinion. Do you think this a practical and polite out-of-office e-mail?

Subject: Thank you for your message; however, I'm not going to read it. See important contact information below
 
I will be out of the office starting 02/07/2011 and will not return until 02/16/2011.
I am away on vacation and will not be answering e-mails received during this time.
For research grants please contact John Smith, johns@aabbcc.com, (800)123-4567 x 11223
For research agreements and intellectual property please contact Jane Doe, janed@aabbcc.com, (800)123-4567 x 22334
For ABA, BCB, CDD please contact Susan Brown, sbrown@aabbcc.com, (800)123-4567 x 55588
For knowledge mobilization please contact Fred White, whitef@aabbcc.com, (800)123-4567 x 99887
For all other matters or if you need immediate assistance please contact Ann Johnson, johnsona@aabbcc.com, (800)123-4567 x58258

In order to manage e-mail, I will not be reading e-mails received during my absence. If your e-mail is still urgent upon my return on February 16, please send it to me again.

Thanks for helping manage e-mail insanity.

Bob

In my earlier post, I listed these four items as required information for an out-of-office e-mail:

• How long you'll be gone. Use calendar dates, not just day of the week.
• How often or whether you'll respond to e-mail or voice mails at all while you're gone. Knowing whether you'll respond at all during your time out of the office will help you colleagues and customers decide what to do in case of a work emergency, for example.
• Who to contact for what while you're away. Provide specific names, e-mails, and phone numbers.
• How soon you'll respond to e-mails when you've returned.

Bob has supplied all the required information, but has he gone around the bend in asking people to resend their e-mails to him upon his return? In your opinion, is it OK to announce that you won't be reading any of the e-mails sent to you while you're away. Let me know what you think. (I will read your e-mails.)

-- Leslie O'Flahavan

January 27, 2011

Famous Inboxes: Who knew Michelangelo, Napoleon, and Satan wrote e-mail?

Apparently, the very talented, the very commanding, and the very bad are just like you and me. They have inboxes crowded with e-mails waiting to be answered. Check out   Mark Brownlow's Famous Inboxes blog and peer into inboxes that never were but should have been.

In Michelangelo's inbox:

• From Sistine Maintenance: "Pls tell apprentices to clear up beer cans & cigarette butts"
• From Mrs. Michelangelo: "Mama wants her kitchen tiled - can u do it Sunday?"

In Napoleon Bonaparte's inbox:

• From Twitter: "Welcome to Twitter, BonyNap!"
• From Wellington: "Least I don't have to wear high heels"

In Satan's inbox:

• From New Media Devil: "Webinar - 5 new ways to tempt a prophet"
• From Beelzebub's Beauty Boutique: "20% off cloven hoof lacquer"

Brownlow makes the Famous Inbox conceit look easier than it is. I gave it a try with the subject lines I invented for the inbox of Lot's wife, the Biblical character who was turned into a pillar of salt when she violated the "don't look back when fleeing Sodom" rule.

• From Architectural Digest Newsletter: "Doric or Corinthian? Find the front-porch redo that's right for you?"
• From FamilyTravel.com: "Get Out of Town - Weekend Getaways Just a  Short Drive from Sodom and Gomorrah"

Your turn. Let your imagination go. Send me your invented inboxes and, with your permission, I'll post your subject lines here.

 -- Leslie O'Flahavan

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