Posts within the category: Tone

October 10, 2011

This "I've quit" e-mail has pitch-perfect tone

When this e-mail landed in my inbox, I just had to say "wow." It's not easy to send an e-mail to nearly everyone at work explaining that you're leaving because you've gotten a better job in a much warmer and hipper place. Jane Doe's "I've quit" e-mail sets just the right tone, offers just the right amount of information, and shows just the right regard for her replacement.

Read Jane's e-mail plus my comments on her deft use of language.

Subject: Moving on [Not "resigning," just "moving on."]

Hello,

I have some news to share with you all. . . I am moving to Miami! [Gets to the point right away; keeps sentences short. Instead of saying "I got a better job," she says "I am moving to Miami."] 

I just recently accepted an offer as the Director of Sales for ABC Corp.  It is an amazing opportunity and ABC is an incredible company.  I am very excited to embark on this new journey. ["Amazing," "incredible," and "excited." We'd be grumps not to be happy for her in return.]

It has been truly a pleasure getting working with all of you.  While I am excited to leave Albany before the cold weather sets in, I will also miss working with all of you.  My last day at StemCorp will be this Friday, October 14th.  [She keeps things light by citing a reason to leave Albany that everyone can agree upon: it's cold!]

In the interim, my colleague Gisela Gordon will be your new contact.  Gisela is incredibly talented and will no doubt transition seamlessly. Here's Gisela’s contact information: Gisela Gordon, 888-123-4567, Gisela.Gordon@StemCorp.com [Her confident language about Gisela's smooth takeover makes readers feel confident too.]

I wish you all the best of luck!  If you would like to keep in touch, please connect with me via LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/janedoe [She ends on a positive note by offering her former colleagues an easy, business-appropriate way to stay in touch.]

Best,
Jane Doe

I think Jane Doe tread lightly, kept it upbeat, and sent a broadcast e-mail that's better than most. She made a difficult-to-write e-mail look easy. What do you think? Would you have changed Jane Doe's e-mail in any way?

April 26, 2011

Shut down by the duck? Read this rejection e-mail from Aflac

Ever wondered what it would be like to receive a brush-off e-mail from a corporation's animal mascot? Well, wonder no more. Here's the "no thanks" e-mail a friend's son received after he tried out to replace the inappropriate Gilbert Gottfried as the Aflac Duck.

From the desk of The Aflac Duck

Dear Friend,

I want to thank you for taking the time to audition to be my voice. My vocabulary is too limited to find the words to personally tell how much it means to our company to have you participate in this important job search. Most people never give their dreams a chance and I applaud you for giving this job audition such tremendous energy and enthusiasm. Everyone at Aflac is truly amazed and humbled by the outpouring of talented people who want to represent us. The voice search team listened to over 12,500 online and in person auditions and has ultimately narrowed the selection down to 10 finalists.

Be sure to stay in touch on Facebook and Twitter.

Regards,

The Aflac Duck

For me, this e-mail doesn't work. The duck who wrote this e-mail sounds an awful lot like the corporate communications department trying way too hard to extend the brand.  There's just no levity, no duck-iness, in lines like "Most people never give their dreams a chance ..." and "Be sure to stay in touch ..." I would have thought the Aflac Duck would have a less suit-and-tie writing voice, especially after watching the commercial in which he plunges his head into a jar of pickled jalapenos or rescues the damsel tied to the train tracks.

How would you feel if you were an actor or a voice artist who'd sent in an audition tape and hoped to land this job? Would you appreciate receiving this staid-sounding e-mail from "the desk of The Aflac Duck"? Let me know or post a comment here.

February 10, 2011

"Thank you for your message; however, I'm not going to read it."

This out-of-office e-mail landed in my inbox a few days ago. I don't know "Bob" personally; he's a member of a Yahoo! group I follow. (To preserve privacy, I have changed all identifying info in the e-mail.)

I think Bob's e-mail is one of a kind, and I've been following the out-of-office genre for a while. (See my earlier post: Out-of-Office E-Mails: T.M.I. or too little?)

I'd like to know your opinion. Do you think this a practical and polite out-of-office e-mail?

Subject: Thank you for your message; however, I'm not going to read it. See important contact information below
 
I will be out of the office starting 02/07/2011 and will not return until 02/16/2011.
I am away on vacation and will not be answering e-mails received during this time.
For research grants please contact John Smith, johns@aabbcc.com, (800)123-4567 x 11223
For research agreements and intellectual property please contact Jane Doe, janed@aabbcc.com, (800)123-4567 x 22334
For ABA, BCB, CDD please contact Susan Brown, sbrown@aabbcc.com, (800)123-4567 x 55588
For knowledge mobilization please contact Fred White, whitef@aabbcc.com, (800)123-4567 x 99887
For all other matters or if you need immediate assistance please contact Ann Johnson, johnsona@aabbcc.com, (800)123-4567 x58258

In order to manage e-mail, I will not be reading e-mails received during my absence. If your e-mail is still urgent upon my return on February 16, please send it to me again.

Thanks for helping manage e-mail insanity.

Bob

In my earlier post, I listed these four items as required information for an out-of-office e-mail:

• How long you'll be gone. Use calendar dates, not just day of the week.
• How often or whether you'll respond to e-mail or voice mails at all while you're gone. Knowing whether you'll respond at all during your time out of the office will help you colleagues and customers decide what to do in case of a work emergency, for example.
• Who to contact for what while you're away. Provide specific names, e-mails, and phone numbers.
• How soon you'll respond to e-mails when you've returned.

Bob has supplied all the required information, but has he gone around the bend in asking people to resend their e-mails to him upon his return? In your opinion, is it OK to announce that you won't be reading any of the e-mails sent to you while you're away. Let me know what you think. (I will read your e-mails.)

-- Leslie O'Flahavan

December 9, 2010

Princeton Review: Don't send me a huffy e-mail when I unsubscribe

So, it's like that, Princeton Review. You loved me when I subscribed to receive your weekly School Research Service e-mails, but now that my daughter's been accepted to college and I've unsubscribed, you can't even be polite.

Here's the let's-destroy-our-business-relationship e-mail I received from Princeton Review when I unsubscribed:

From: Unsubscribe
To: LESLIE O'FLAHAVAN
Subject: Your unsubscribe is being processed...

We are processing your request to unsubscribe from our email services. Please make sure that you are sending your request from the email address subscribed to this service, otherwise we will be unable to process your request. Please allow up to 7-10 days for your request to be processed.  At that point you should receive no further email from us.  If you have any other issues, please let us know.

The Princeton Review

That is one cold e-mail:

• The subject line implies that unsubscribing me is a complex task that requires "processing," akin to reviewing a grant application or a Freedom of Information Act request.
• They scold me for (possibly) having used one e-mail address to unsubscribe from another. Can't they tell whether I've done that and only scold me if I have? (I haven't)
• They invite me to "let them know" if I have "other issues," but they fail to provide any contact information.

Oh, how my relationship with Princeton Review has changed. Here's the friendly, welcoming e-mail I received from them a few short months ago when I subscribed.

From: School Research Service from The Princeton Review
To: Leslie O'Flahavan
Date:  Tue, May 25, 2010
Subject: Colleges Looking For Students Like You

• Are you a junior or sophomore exploring the right college for you?
• Are you a senior still deciding where to go to college this fall?
• Are you a returning student, or looking to transfer to a new school?

We can now provide you a personalized list of colleges, looking for students like you. Just answer a few questions to complete your profile, and you'll be able to select and request more information from schools that want to hear from students with your background, and that offer your preferred major.

• See matching colleges by completing your profile [I removed the link here]
• Update your profile on PrincetonReview.com [I removed the link here]

So Princeton Review could be friendly to me when we started "dating" but barely civil when I broke it off. Don't they realize that I might re-subscribe? Purchase books from them? Sign up for their Graduate School Research Service, Law School Research Service, or Medical School Research Service for either of my two college-age children?

The response to a customer's unsubscribe request presents an opportunity to maintain a business relationship and build rapport. Princeton Review's response really missed its mark.

-- Leslie O'Flahavan

November 2, 2010

The Ewww Factor: PayPal's Too-Friendly Customer Service E-Mail

Am I a hypocrite or a grouch? I've spent many years exhorting customer service staff to write friendly, upbeat e-mails to customers. Using a friendly tone builds rapport and reduces customer angst. But the customer service e-mail I received from PayPal is so friendly, it's actually giving me the creeps.

Here's what I wrote:

Subject:  How do I remove an e-mail address from my account? 

Dear PayPal,
I want to remove the e-mail address JaneDoe@ABC-XYZ.com from receiving notifications when someone purchases a book from me.  I can't find this e-mail address anywhere in My Profile or Settings, so I can't figure out how to remove it. Can you find it and remove it for me? Thanks.

Here's the reply I received from PayPal

Subject: Re: MyAccount (Routing Code: A123-B000-C12345-A111-B100100)  (CCC1234567D12345EfGH):jkl9

Hello Leslie O'Flahavan,

My name is Jonathan with PayPal Consumer Support.  I hope you have enjoyed your day! I too have confirmed that this email address is not registered to your PayPal account. In this case, you will want to check with any 3rd party shopping carts integrated with PayPal that you have worked with in the past. It is likely that you have registered this email with them. It will need to be removed from their settings.

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to process your payments here at PayPal. I hope you have a wonderful week!

Sincerely,
Jonathan

Aside from the tone, PayPal earns good marks on this e-mail for:

• Promptness. I received the response in about 11 hours.
• Personalization. Jonathan addressed me by name. But more importantly, he checked my account for the e-mail address I couldn't find. 
• Problem-solving. Though he can't solve it for me, Jonathan suggests how I should solve my problem.
• Correctness. The e-mail is well written. It's free of grammar and punctuation errors.

But the tone is so Yeah! that the e-mail sounds insincere. Though the e-mail's only eight sentences long, three of the sentences are:

• I hope you have enjoyed your day! 
• Thank you for giving us the opportunity to process your payments here at PayPal.
• I hope you have a wonderful week!

In all writing, your tone must always support your message. Jonathan's thank-you statement is polite and professional. It would have been enough. His weird urgency regarding how much pleasure I find in my days and weeks puts me off. And, by the way, his subject line is awful.

Hmmm ... there's my answer. I guess I am a grouch. What do you think about the tone of this e-mail? Let me know.

-- Leslie O'Flahavan

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